Eldrom Selwyn, a former resident of the infamous pirate haven of Booty Bay, had a tale to tell. A tale of woe, betrayal, and one fateful banana. And a little sprinkle of stupidity.
According to Selwyn, he had been stealing bananas for some time, unable to afford them due to a lack of coin. However, one day, his fortunes changed and he decided to do the honourable thing and pay for a banana.
But things took a turn for the worse when the banana vendor accused him of stealing the fruit and called in the bruisers. Selwyn pleaded his innocence, stating that he had every intention of paying for the banana.
"I say 'Hey, guy, relax! I'm actually buying this one off you for once rather than stealin' 'em, give a guy a break!" he said.
But his attempts at reasoning "surprisingly" fell on deaf ears as the vendor called in the bruisers to apprehend him.
"I mean, I stole it but they only said it so they had someone to pin it on. They couldn't know," Selwyn later recounted, still clearly bitter about the experience, and also clearly oblivious to the idiocy of his own actions.
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In the end, Selwyn was exiled from Booty Bay, with his reputation and his freedom taken away all because of one banana. As he said "I'm not allowed back there now or they'll throw me in a real nasty cell for a real long time."
The story of Eldrom Selwyn's banana woes serves as a cautionary tale for all those who dare to cross the law in the treacherous freeport of Booty Bay, And perhaps also that even if a story or the person telling it is mildly stupid, then it can still end up in the paper.