n paper I am the Editor in Chief of the Lion's Roar Newspaper, since the founder and owner, Spazzlefrock Frostcog is still missing, and has been for months. Yet this Friday I found myself in the baking hot sand of Tanaris, while rest of the staff was relaxing in bars, and in the comfort of cities. Odd. One would think being the boss meant having it easy, but apparently not in the newspaper business. Anyway, I digress. I interviewed Tinka Bartenson of Bartenson Events recently - it left me curious about their events and when I saw talk about an archaeological digging expedition, I figured I’d tag along. Not because I like digging, or stuff so old not even the Director of the Kirin Tor Intelligence remembers it existence, but because it is my job to experience things and write about it, so you do not have to. Or, well, in case you missed it, or was busy.

Surviving the desert:

This is a rambly one. We met up in Tanaris a short trip from Gadgetzan, and of course I arrived too late they were all out of camels, so I had to ride a highly energetic alpaca. Each time we slowed or had a break on our ride to the dig, the animal did a little cutesy jumping in circles, which, I am sure, looked adorable. But as the person straddling the animal then I can inform that it was in no way a pleasant experience, despite its fluffy cutesy appearance. Vile beast. The trip took a good half hour, riding through the desert, with Professor Ghemma Oilchains (a goblin archaeologist) taking lead of the caravan and telling us little anecdotes. Unfortunately, no one mentioned that the flowers in Tanaris are much like some women. The prettier they are, the more dangerous they are. I found this out when I approached a nice-looking flower - and it snapped at me. I guess that is why the giant snakes (because carnivorous flowers weren’t enough apparently) staid well away from the flowers, but instead tried to attack us several times, luckily the two goblins providing security (more about them later) did an amazing job at getting us to the dig site in one piece.

The Dig site:

Our destination was something called "The gates of Uldum", from what I could learn then it is an ancient structure build by the titans, at some point it fell out of use, or was abandoned, or forgotten. Aeons (how long is an aeon anyway?) passed and it was rediscovered and excavated to some extent. Professor Oilchains had visited the place before and the dig was mostly inactive as it was deemed done. For this reason, we were allowed to keep anything we found, unless Professor Oilchains deemed it too important and vital to further research and studies. To my surprise Gaius - the bartender people of Stormwind may know - showed up on a motorbike outfitted as a bit of a street-food cart. It had a little stove hooked up to the engine and lots of boxes. I admit I may have skipped the briefing Professor Oilchains and the two goblin security agents gave us in favour of harassing Gaius for a tall mug of black coffee. A beverage one of the goblin guards also seemed to enjoy. Good on her. Turns out it was a good thing I got delayed, when I re-joined the others another member of our group had fallen into a pitfall just inside the site itself, and she had to be rescued while rest of us followed Professor Oilchains carefully, making sure to only step on the same tiles on the ground as she did. Once inside the large cavernous room we were handed tools and Professor Oilchains promised to tell us about stuff we dug out. Since the only thing I dig for is news and the truth, then I skipped that in favour of poking a statue and watching the others rummage around and dig for forgotten artifacts. The other people in the group spread out and started looking for interesting things left behind by the professional archaeologist, they found various things and Professor Oilchains identified them and talked a bit about each one. I saw old helmets, a piece of a watcher's pedestal, a tablet with ancient text, a goblet which apparently was strange because the whole place originates from before the curse of flesh, and hence there would have been no need for drinking, an idol, a large weapon, and a lot of other items.

Jazie and Skazi:

As mentioned earlier then the group was protected by a duo of Goblin security agents. Kitted out with radios and sharp instruments for hurting stuff. But friendly and not too busy to have a little chat as they watched for danger. I approached the female guard, Skazi, after she finished having a shouted conversation with her colleague about the danger of shouting and risking a roof collapsing. Skazi: Ah, yer a reporter then?! For what magazine? The ADN? The Gadgetzan Buzzard? The Stormw- Lion's Roar? Huh. Once I explained I was from the Lion's Roar she deflated a bit, I cannot say I don't understand, we have historically been very Alliance centric, but we are working on covering news from the horde as well. H. Lester: You do a lot of security work? Skazi: What gives that away? The getup? The mere presence of me an' Jazie? Nah, we take the occasional work on the side. Mostly we're dealin' with the drunkards of the town. Workin' the nightshift. That's my partner-in-crime, Jazie Sawmarks. Best guy I ever worked with. H. Lester: Yeah? worked together for long? Skazi: ...That's saying more about the guys i've worked with than him. By this time Jazie had joined us and decided I needed a bit of advice. Jazie: Ye ever been to one of these before? H. Lester: No, never. Its a little daunting. So very.. big Jazie: No? Alright, then a couple of tips for ye. One. If ye see a golden statue, like a hozen or somethin', on a pedestal... don't touch. Two. If ye hear a rumble, run. It's probably a rollin' giant stone. Also- Ye not afraid of snakes are ye? H. Lester: Snakes? Nah, not regular ones.. Jazie: Great. Then ye good to go. Regular snakes can probably not swallow all of ye. Atleast not at once.


The whole trip ended back in Gadgetzan with burgers and ice cream supplied by the Culinary Academy, as well as drinks by Gaius. There was also music and a little dancing, but by then I was ready to go home and get some sleep, so I stuffed my face with delicious hamburgers, Apple Cider and 16 different flavours of ice cream (okay, maybe there wasn't 16, I did not count, but there was a lot) and managed to concentrate long enough to teleport myself home to Stormwind. Did I enjoy myself? It was eventful, there was interesting people, but I am also a city boy, the whole wilderness might not be for me, but if you like history, like archaeology then Id say you should give it a go if they do this again another time.